Most people are already snarking the hell out of this on Twitter, but want to foreground the irony. What does it mean if one of the 80s’ most rabidly nationalistic action flicks had to censor itself (the Chinese were the original villains) in fear of not getting that overseas box office? What would Patrick Swayze have done? I’m not sure. Mostly I’m just nostalgic for the days that teenagers with bad hair could stand up to the evil Cuban/Nicaraguan invaders. Wolverines!

The only plausible North Korean invasion strategic aims would be to capture Disneyland, a particular favorite of the Kim clan. Thankfully, we have a blueprint of how to retake the Magic Kingdom, courtesy of the USMC.